Relationships require balance. Sometimes, though, that balance can get tipped, and one partner ends up doing all the "work" within the relationship. Are you the one doing everything? Making all the phone calls, planning your dates, initiating intimacy and more? As time goes on, you may begin to feel frustrated, or even start becoming clingy or needy as you TRY to get the behavior you need from your man. Rori Raye has named this particular problem "overfunctioning", which is a great term. What that means is that you are doing the relationship work of both partners! And you know YOU don't like it - but did you realize that HE does not like it either? He wants to be a man. However, you are emasculating him by babying him and taking over everything, leaving him nowhere to go within your relationship.
Women start doing this by wanting to prove to him that you ARE capable of doing things - you are strong, intelligent and you don't need anyone's help, thank you very much! Or - if they do something for us, we correct them and tell them how to do it right. When the woman does this, she takes the role of the man away from the man. Doing that will strangle the attraction that the relationship had.
So by trying to prove to him that you don't need him - you take away that part of the relationship that was his - the man part. Don't get me wrong - your man, more than likely, does not want you to be a weak and witless wimp. Men, largely, DO like strong women. BUT he does NOT want YOU to be the man. If you are the man - then you are relegating yourself to the "friend zone" - because your relationship with him just became man to man. For the heterosexual male, this means friends.
Changing this is not impossible - and - it just may save your relationship. First of all - start being aware of what you are feeling when you do these things and why you are doing them. This will help you realize when you are about to turn into the "guy" and you can step back and remain the woman in the relationship. Next - try to start seeing when you begin to feel negative emotion, about yourself or others. Why is this important? If you are feeling negative emotion about others, you may lash out.
If you are feeling that way about yourself, you will more than likely try to soothe yourself afterwards, and that can come off as needy or clingy to a man. This way you can begin to predict when you are going to act in ways that will hurt the masculine portion of the relationship. Start controlling this behavior and you will immediately begin turning your floundering relationship around.
You can also begin taking your cues from his actions. If you do or say something and he reacts in a positive way, by giving you affection or telling you he loves you, you know you are on the right track. If he reacts by withdrawing, getting quiet, breaking eye contact or any other sign of stress, you know that you are taking away from him. Once you've become aware of the true dynamics within your relationship, you will be able to manage it much more effectively and end up having the relationship that YOU want.
Relationship Advice for women by Rori Raye - Help for YOUR Relationship NOW!
Dating Tips for Women by Christian Carter of Catch Him and Keep Him
